The downside of the idea 'no one is better than others'
Sometimes I do miss how in Asia people with higher educations are respected. I believe it’s due to the respect people have toward knowledge, not only limited to diplomas, but to any form of knowledge acquired, experience and senority are crazyly overated in Japan! What I found fascinating is how openly people show their respect. Someone with occupation as a teacher is immediately addressed as Mr. In Taiwan and Japan. Higher education like master degree could bring material advantage such as a higher position or attention in the marriage market. Such respect one receives as a benefits of higher education, I have never experienced in Sweden. Here, higher education is a matter of choice, one get higher education for self develop reasons, or as personal interests. The general idea of no one is better than others make a PhD as equal as someone with minimum required education. Which is definitely a weride phenomenal in many places in the world. But isn’t it just wrong, that the effort one put in to pursue more knowledge and their achievements, like a diploma, is not admired, appreciated, but taken for granted. Even worse, discouraged. If we dont apperaciate things, things devaluated. Maybe its old school to hang up on things like diploma or higher education, but at least it shuld be valued higher than only a career choice.
“I happen to hate New Year’s celebrations. Everybody desperate to have fun. Trying to celebrate in some pathetic little way. Celebrate what? A step closer to the grave? That’s why I can’t say enough times, whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works. And don’t kid yourself. Because its by no means up to your own human ingenuity. A bigger part of your existence is luck, than you’d like to admit. Christ, you know the odds of your fathers one sperm from the billions, finding the single egg that made you. Don’t think about it, you’ll have a panic attack.”—whatever works, woody allen
“To change the course of your life, choose one of two basic methods:
1.you can direct your energy and attention toward trying to fix your mind,find your focus,affirm your power, free your emotions and visualize positive outcomes so that you can finally develop the confidence to display the courage to discover the determination to make the commitment to feel sufficiently motivated to do what it is you need to do.
2.Or you can just do it”—Dan Millman
“So that’s how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that’s stolen from us—that’s snatched right out of our hands—even if we are left completely changed, with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence.”—Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
Just fick en ny follower på tumblr som är en blog som samlar anledningar av resar från många person, verkar great! Ska jag sckika in min bild och anledning också? hummm… Jag vet faktiskt inte värför vill jag resa helatiden utan naturligtvis det är vad jag behöve! * ♫♪♫singing ‘du måste flytta på dig!’ ♫♪♫
Jag brukar läsa min kompis Daphines blogg, vi träffade i Uppsala, hon är en verkligen begavad konstnär som göra hitchihiking och courchsurfing i sverige för två månade, utan en plan, utan bekant. Ärligt talat, jag är svartsjuk av henne och önskar att jag kan resa med hon. Verkar som hon har fått mangd amazing upplevelser, jag är verkligen svartsjuk!!!
I become quiter after turning into a deerman, I started to spend more time listening to people, different people tell me different things.
I have always aware that people in general are highly subjective. They tend to focus on the things they are interested in, the things they understand or the things being told by person that are consider trustworth. However, most valuable things are the parts that are boring, hard to get and need to devote time and thoughts in, in order to understand. Thus, most people would only stuff their head with nonsense. Brain, as the most amazing object that exsit, are underused. Most people give up the opportunity to become an complete soul,because they simply are lazy and have no selection among the things they are filling their brain with.
As I become such a great listener, I occasionaly found myself in a scenario where one person is announcing to me the shit that he or she heard from someone else. In order to avoid become another mind full of bullshit, I became even more quiter.
I spend alot of time on my own. Being as grumpy as I can. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel down, sometimes I’m happy and positive as I’m flying with angel’s wings, sometimes I’m in the deepest hole in the world that I would never come out. Sometimes I dont know what to do with myself. And sometimes I’m just too exhausted that I give up.
I guess I have a depressed view of life, even for a deerman. But who really knows? Unhappy people tend to describe happy people as stupid. I’m not sure if it’s true or just another nonsense that flowed in my head as everything else.
Anyway, this is a rainy tuesday afternoon. I went home from work. Stoped at the 24 hours shop one block away from my building to buy milk. I used to buy milk here every the other day. I like to make small regular schedules, they are the ties for me and the real world.
Today is not a busy day for any shop in town. People dont really go out when its raining. Funny how weather influence peoples behaviour. The 24hours shop is empty, I picked my milk and went to the counter. Usually, a 20-ish guy with glasses worked for the night shift, he looks like a college student, short with short hair, which fits his light blue working uniform and routinely smile, he has the type of face you wouldnt remeber.
He is not there today, instead, a girl looked at me and smiled. Her face looks no more than 20years old, however her breasts looks beautiful through the uniform. they are perfectly rounded, like a pair of riped peaches.
She looked at me, smiled. Took the milk from me, sweeped it infront of the scanner and handed it back. She smiled at me again, it is not the pale routinely smile. She smiled at me as she is just delighted to see me. Delighted to see a man with a deer head? That smile got me daze. I looked at her for a second before started to take money out from the wallet, the daze goes alone.
She took the money carefully as its her precious gift, seems like it is a wedding ring that she take from me instead of an ordinary, worn out piece of money.
'The leaf is turning yellow soon!' 'I'm sorry, what did you say?' I asked confusly. Part from the daziness I got from her smile, part from the weride content of her sentences.
No answer, she smiled at me again, her dark brown eyes smiled at me gentenly, like a soft little rabbit.
“I övrigt kan man väl tillägga att det verkar vara en hel del personer som rekommenderar lastbilschaufförer vilket man borde kunna öka sina chanser att få lift genom att ha lite ritalin(eller motsvarande bokstavskombinations-medicin) eller *den äkta varan* med sig. Lastbilschaufförer lever för sånt! Plus att om du också tuggar/snortar/injicerar en dos så borde samtalet inte vara några problem. Dock avråder jag att ge benzodiacepaner då detta gör människor dåsiga. Lycka”—avancera svenska!!!
I occasionally get questions like,’what happened with your head?’. When I explain to them that nothing really happened, it’s just one day it started to growing like this. It is hard for them to believe, ‘Yes, it’s just like that’ ‘No, I have not check with the doctor yet.’ ‘No,no! everything functions just like before, just the look’ ‘No, Im not kidding’ ‘Yes, Im serious’ ‘No, this is not a joke’ ‘No, you cant touch my head!’.
Why is it not working? People ask me a question and I give the honest answer, why dont they believe it? If they ask the question, why dont they believe the answer? I dont like this, so I started to ignore these sort of questions. When they ask, I just pretend that they didnt, usually they find the answer themselves after a short while. Most of them assume that I dont speak as I have a deer’s head, ‘animals dont talk!’ They talked to themselves, and they believe it right away.
Its funny, with human! I think it is like the hearing range, human’s ear can only receive from 20 Hz to 20 000Hz, sounds beyond this range would not be heard by human. There is also a range for understanding, things beyond this range would not be accepted by people, it doesnt matter if you explain it, demonstrate it or if it is the truth, they would simply just not accepted. My deerhead must be one thing that outside this range, however the assumption that a man with deerhead cannot talk is happens to be in the range.
This nature of human being, this limit, boundary, range or whatever, detained them, keep them away from the absolute truth. But, whendoes absolute truth ever matter at all? Never!
Anyway, to deal with these stupid questions(questions are not stupid, it is the people’s attitude toward truth that is stupid) is one of the few things I need to accept as to go on with my life as a deerman.
The life of a deerman is rather simple.I spend alot of time with myself. Because I dont want to go through another conversation of why I have a deer head instead of a ‘normal’one.
So Ive decided, I will be friend with the next person I met that could actually talk about something else without go through the investigating conversation,
Jag löpade förbi parken nära sjukhuset som brukade bo miljoner ankor vid dammen. Men de är ju inte där, det var bara en anka mamma med sina 6 barn ankor. Jag undrar vart är anka pappa, han är troligtvis en jävla stövel som lämnade sin familj, eller är det anka pappa som jag såg vid dammen? :S
Deerman -- Is that because you are too picky or the skin is all you care about
People being afraid for stupid reasons. There are different kinds of fears and the nonsense fear is a special kind. This kind of fear is pure stupidity and yet no one can escape from it. Ask yourself, have you ever worried about losing your hair at the age of 35? have you ever worried you are seriously sick, just because you had a bad stomach ache after lunch? Or the airplane your are on will crash, or that you might get tired of your partner if you get married. and moreover moreover…
I myself was not able to escape from this kind of fear either. I afraid of many things, in the mean time i know they will never happen.
One thing that I was afraid of, is that one day, when i walk on the street, everyone started to look at me, some of them look at me with their mouth fully open. some could only offer me a glance then quickly turn their heads away and the others just starred at me like I’m a huge, ugly freak. Then I touched or looked or whatever I dont know, but I realize that I did turn into a freak.
You see how stupid I was now, even though I was perfectly aware that the possibility of me turning into a freak all of a sudden (without a bite from a poisoned spider in the nature science museum) is infinitely close to zero, I still worried about this. No I feel deeply regret of my behavior, as I could actually started to worry about it when it actually happened then worried about it for 20 years more.
It actually apply to most of the issues we have in life, if you worry about your losing hair, It is better to worry about it when you start to lose hair then worry about it earlier. Because things happen, so they happen, if not this, it will be something else. Point being taken, dont worry about things until they really happen!
Yeah, I know it sounds really wise, I’m actually surprised by how much wiser i become this year. Bertrand Russell once said, ‘To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.’. So in my case, my wisdom has been growing for one year now, feels good :D
It has been one year now, since deer horns started to grow on my head. I have been living as a deer man for a year now. How do I feel? ‘Life goes on’ I’d say.
People talk about ‘moment’, or ‘event’ or whatever they call it. Those terms are used to describe the period of your life that changed your world upside down. Marriage till example, and when you get your first kid. For some people, it is the car crash, or the wrong investment.
For me, it is when the horns started to grow, the rainy morning in July when I woke up and looked into the mirror. Some body has powered the switch, the world has changed its path, rules changed, everything that matters changed and it is not going back. Me, just got roughly threw into a new world with no notice, no orientation session, no guide, no!
Among all these unfair treatments I have got, you know what is the part that I hate the most? is the part that to switch off the world is so easy! There was no earth quake, no weird astronomy movement, not even have Beethoven’s symphony No.5 as background music! With no notice, nothing says ‘Hi! We have decided, you gonna live in a different world from now’. Nothing, or No one at all. Just like that, they threw me into a new world without a manual. How cruel is that?! I wanted to cruse at first, then I realised that I have no one to cruse.
so booya! Like a monkey got threw into water, I need to learn how to survive in this new world, I freak out, I keep going. So far I still manage.
To survive in this huge ice-cold city with a deer head is actually not as hard as you would imagine it to be. Yeah I know you are wondering, how can a deer man walk around in the civilization without getting trouble. Well the answer is quite easy, humanity! It prevent people to care about others. What we do indeed influence other people, but by how much? not much at all!
Here, let me explain to you.
As a human resource manager, would you hire a cautious and conscientious staff with a deerhead who listen and obey every words you have said, or an unambitious normal man whom eager to work his way out and kick you out from your position? If you own an apartment, would you rent it to a simple deer head man with a stable job and high paid, or to a family with kids and dog that would stain your wallpaper and set your house on fire at any minutes?
Look around, your families, friends, collages, neighbours. All the people that you believe you have a close tie with, how much do you think they would care about you really? The close ties you have, are no more than loneliness, desire and money. I’ve learnt this after I’ve become a deer man, then I realised how sentimental I was and how stupid that is to be sentimental. Everyone is one of a kind, one can never tell how lonely a person are by the surface that person showed.
To realised this, the world became logical and you become logical. You know exactly where to go, when to attack and what are important. By this, you become invincible. I become invincible.
I choose not to live in the forest, as I dont want to hide myself there. Hide myself means I’d be rely on the forest, thats something I dont want to do, rely on something else other than myself.
Now I live in this huge, ice-cold city with other couple of millions people. We get up, we eat, we go to work, we come home, we sleep, we think about life, we hover between choices and decisions, we lost in sentimental.